


First Step

by FandomFriend



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Flashback, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Patton is sad again, Platonic Logicality - Freeform, Repression, argument, self deprication, softer argument, somewhat happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25399591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomFriend/pseuds/FandomFriend
Summary: Patton has noticed how badly the other sides think of themselves, but he hasn’t quite figured out what to do about it. So, Patton gives himself a moment to just try and figure out why he’s been so out of it lately, and maybe get to take that first step...
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	First Step

**Author's Note:**

> Still one of my first works, I appreciate any feedback! Comment if I need to add any tags or if there are any errors. Thank you!

Patton liked to take things one step at a time. He didn’t like having to face multiple problems at once, which is why he was having such an issue right now. 

Patton was laying down on the couch, his back turned towards the room. He had been laying there to mess around on his phone, but now he found himself sitting there, staring at the small coffee stain on the couch cushion as he thought about things he never let himself think about.

Normally, in a circumstance like this, he would try to find a distraction. He would play a game with Virgil, have a debate with Logan (despite knowing he would lose), or letting Roman put on a show for him. He could watch cat videos on his phone, he could finally listen to Hamilton, which Roman had been encouraging him to do.

But there was this weird, unreasonable, nagging sensation in the back of his head that urged him to just _revel_ in the bad emotions. To just let them sink in and to let his mind spiral. Maybe, just maybe, he could get to the bottom of this.

Now, what had caused this spiral? Well, Patton had been talking to Virgil, just another one of their little conversations. Looking back on it, Patton had no idea how they had gotten to the fight, if you could call it that...

_”Well now, Kiddo, it’s important to take care of yourself! You can’t be happy and love yourself if you don’t eat, sleep, or drink correctly.”_

And that should’ve been the end of it. Just another one of Patton’s friendly reminders of how much he cared for the others. Except this time, Virgil didn’t accept that...

_”Well, considering I don’t do any of those things, I accept my fate.”_

This was Patton’s next opportunity to stop it, to just let the situation be moved on. But of course, things didn’t work out that way.

_This isn’t a joke, Virge. I know not everyone’s perfect, but it’s still worth attempting._

Looking back on it, Patton should’ve just backed down. He could see Virgil twisting his hands in his lap, obvious signs that he was irritated. Patton should’ve stepped away like he usually does. But for some reason, there was a feeling, something telling him not to give up this time. 

_I know it’s not a joke, I’m just saying I’m not good at it._

It had been a long day. Patton had been consoling Roman after another one of his ideas got turned down. Then Logan, of course, had decided that today was the day to try and work out some of his emotions (if you asked Logan himself, he would deny this ever happening). So, in short, Patton was a bit on edge. Usually, him and Virgil got along just fine and often sought each other out for comfort, but today just wasn’t one of those days.

_It’s the thought that counts! You don’t have to be amazing or even good at it! Just try to be a bit healthier, maybe? You’re the strongest one we got, kiddo. You can do it!_

Patton could remember the exact moment that Virgil stopped trying to argue. The moment Virgil realized that Patton was just going to keep pushing. It was right there. Right after Patton said _’You’re the strongest one we got, kiddo.’_ That was the moment that Patton knew he had pushed just a bit too far this time.

_If you say so, Pat._

And that’s what broke Patton’s heart. The mood that crushed his spirit every time. The fact that no matter what he seemed to do, the other sides just... didn’t like themselves. And quite frankly, Patton couldn’t figure out why. He supposed it just got frustrating sometimes, because...

_You deserve so much more credit than you give yourself, Virge. I’m proud of you._

...Because what if he could never change that? What if they went their whole lives believing that they didn’t deserve love? Happiness? That they don’t need to take care of theirselves because they didn’t deserve to? It was just one huge cycle that made Patton’s heart _burn_ with pain, but what was he supposed to do? 

He couldn’t tell them any of that, so now Patton was stuck in his own cycle of leaving the issues alone for too long and then pushing just a bit too much. Which was probably part of the problem: the fact that Patton couldn’t afford to spend time on himself for fear of letting down the others. When would he find the time when everyone else required his attention more than he needed it himself?

_Okay, Patton. I get it._

And then Virgil had left. He didn’t look back, he didn’t glance for a reassuring smile. Which, in hindsight, was probably a good thing because Patton wasn’t sure he could’ve offered anything remotely inspirational.

And the worst part? It was all three of them too. Logan was constantly checking how much he talked. He didn’t talk about the things he enjoyed like he used too. Logan barely even provided insight when it was needed, much to Patton’s chagrin. He had been trying desperately for quite some time now to just get the logical man to show _something._ And Patton wasn’t even sure if he noticed a difference or not.

And Roman was just as bad, but he was much better at hiding it. It was only in the depths of night or early in the morning that you could catch his small frown that seemed to be on default. It was always a small gift when he heard Roman laugh, truly laugh like he used to. But ever since Thomas became more busy, ‘the stakes were raised’ as Roman would say. And nothing ever seemed to be good enough for the poor creative side.

As selfish as it was, Patton was relieved to not know the dark sides nearly well enough to know their issues.

And there were good times, don’t get him wrong. The late times at night when Logan would rant about constellations. The quiet afternoons when Virgil would sit with Patton on the couch and they could just sit and listen to music. The rare days that Roman would sing through the mindscape like he once used to, unusually happy after meeting a deadline.

But Patton still missed the old times when he gave out compliments that meant something. At this point, after compensating for the lack of compliments from everyone else, his compliments just didn’t mean anything anymore. They were just another unimportant detail of the conversation, soon to be forgotten. This was another one of Patton’s personal problems that he hadn’t been able to address because of-

“Patton?”

It took a moment for Patton to register the voice and turn over. Logan. “Hey Lo. Is something wrong?” Wow, when did that become his default question? 

“I just wanted to thank you for earlier, I appreciated your input. You are much more efficient in giving advice for emotional matters as I’m not very experienced in that area.”

A smile grew on Patton’s face at the small compliment. “Of course, anytime!”

Logan nodded curtly. There was a small moment of silence before Logan spoke up once more. “I am not an expert, as I previously implied, but you appeared to be in a negative mood.”

Patton raised an eyebrow. Was he that obvious? “Oh it’s nothing. I’m just a bit tired.”

Tired. _Tired!_ That was it, Patton was tired! That was the feeling. The reason why he had felt so _useless_ and never got that good feeling of helping someone anymore. While the realization didn’t appear to be much, it was a start, and that’s all Patton needed right now. A glimmer of hope so that he could keep pushing on.

“Logan, can I ask you a question?”

“You just did, but go ahead.”

“What did you say the first step to solving a problem was?”

Logan furrowed his brow. “Well, first off, you need to identify the problem. I’m not sure why that’s-“

Patton hugged Logan tightly, cutting the latter off. “Thanks L!”

“I don’t- I don’t know what I did, but I’m glad I could be of service,” Logan managed to stutter out.

Now, Patton didn’t have much figured out. If anything, he had the first step of a one hundred step math problem done. But that was one more than he had half an hour ago, which was progress. If Patton could figure out himself, it’ll be all that much easier to figure out the others.

Patton liked to take things one step at a time. He didn’t like looking ahead of himself at all the big huge problems that he had on coming. And he had a lot of them. But he had just taken the first step, and the first step was always the hardest, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated, let me know if you liked it!


End file.
